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OK, I know this is highly personal but it's a bittersweet counterpoint to the "Britney Spears Saved My Life" documentary shown on UK television a few months ago. It shows what unexpected consequences can flow from one seemingly trivial event. And it's a cautionary tale about contemporary celebrity fascination and how it can unbalance you.
In the Zone was an album that came into being at a strange point in my life. I'd been a totally r&b/soul/house girl up to then and wouldn't have DREAMT of listening to Britney Spears. I'd borrowed her "Britney" album out of the library, played it once, went "Nah" and cast it aside.
But my BF at the time (yes, I used to be bi before I saw the light) used the drip-drip-drip method to convince me that she was an artist worth paying attention to, and at this very same time I was being horrified, infuriated, maddened and disgusted by the awful things the UK media were saying about her. (Full-scale Britney hatred was pretty much unknown in the US at that time.)
So I was feeling an incredible need and motivation to defend this girl who was so pretty and sexy and charismatic and seemed such a sweetie - even though none of her music appealed to me in the slightest.
But then came all the huge anticipation for ITZ. Showbiz writers were speculating that this was "make or break" for Britney and that this album would have the massive job of bringing her fans with her into adulthood. I became fascinated by this story, because I couldn't think of any other artists who had begun their careers as purveyors of kiddy-pop and ended up mostly appealing to the 20-30 age group. (She now has the new challenge of taking these same fans into their 30s!)
Anyway, my BF asked me to buy ITZ for us on release day. I was out at a meeting that day (I had a good job as a manager involved in recruitment and training back then) and made a detour to Tesco to get it on the way back to the office. And naturally, I shoved it in the CD player in my PT Cruiser. And it was EXACTLY what I hoped it would be. It was EXACTLY the kind of music that transitioned me from my r&b stuff into Britney's world.
And that was IT. My life changed. Everything that has happened to me since then can be traced back to that moment.
I spent loads of time searching for references to Britney on the internet. Lots of them led me to forums and message boards. I became immersed in online life. I made online friends. Some of them demanded that I get on to MSN. And be there with them for hours every day.
The difference was that I was in full-time employment, and my MSN buddies were students or unemployed. My leisure time became seamlessly integrated with my work time. But I didn't see the danger...... Then my bosses finally realised. And I got fired.
That night, I was so full of shame and self-hatred I decided to end my life but my weird Britney fascination was still there so I went online for what was meant to be one last look at my goddess and one last round of "goodbye" PMs. And one of my online buddies saw me, msg-ed me and talked me through the night. AND the next night. And said some clever things that made me see that it was better to stick around.
I have a very different life now, one I could never have imagined before ITZ came out. Britney Spears cost me my job and almost cost me my life, but in the end she also kinda saved it.
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